Soon

Happy Halloween, look what EAB Publishing has up it’s sleeve. dink-death-6x9

That’s right, The ABCs of Dinkology: Death (Book 3) is gonna be here soon. Read an excerpt here.

If you’re interested but unsure, check out The ABCs of Dinkology: Life and The ABCs of Dinkology: Time In-Between right now. Digital copies are free for a limited time only!

How’s that for a treat?

Alone on the Prairie

Saturday October 22, 2016, I was watching my son and my nephew on my sister and brother-in-law’s acreage near Buffalo, IA. By way of entertaining ourselves on the long, pleasant afternoon, we made a movie. It’s scary because, you know, Halloween is near and whatnot.

Anyway?

Wanna see it? Here it goes!

Maybe we’ll make another somethin’ somethin’ for Halloween . . . .

Fear

On MLK Day this year, I can’t help but think of a different holiday . . . .

A few years ago during the Halloween season my children and I were driving somewhere. It was getting late and we were talking about scary stories. One thing led to another and my daughter asked me, “What are you most afraid of, Dad?”

Without a beat I replied, “Losing you two.”

When they asked what I meant, I told them the truth. The thing I fear most is that one of them will die before me. I try not to hide the world’s heaviness from them . . . . I may be honest to a fault.

This fear bitch-slapped me in the face the night my son was born. He had a congenital heart defect that made it difficult for him to breathe. He was born dead. Through a mix of modern medicine and miracles, he was brought back from the brink. I wrote my only published creative non-fiction work about it. You can read it here. Looking back now though I can see there was a strangeness to that original fear. It was a fear of losing the pleasant unknown. I wanted a child. I wanted to know what it would be like to raise a child. During those first few days of my son’s life, I was afraid I would miss out on all of it. I was afraid of never knowing what it would be like to get to know him.

In other words, I didn’t exactly know what I was afraid of. It was a fear of something abstract, of loss. I had never experienced having a child. I had no idea what the highs and lows of life with that boy would be like. There was nothing concrete to fear except the fear of losing.

Recently, my wife has battled a serious illness. I wrote about it two weeks ago. A new fear has stricken me as I’ve driven from our house to care for our children, to the hospital to sit, helpless, as my wife struggles through the pain and fear all her own. For me, it is the fear of losing her and it is more serious than the fear of losing my son was on those first few days.

Back then, I didn’t know what I would be missing. I didn’t know his smile, his sardonic wit, or his mad genius. I didn’t know him. Hell, he wasn’t him back then. He was just a little ball of messed up flesh and organs the doctors had to put right. Losing him would have been awful. It would have been the most traumatic thing I’d ever experienced. But if it had happened, I would never have known what it was I was losing.

There is a certain bitter grace to that.

Now though, knowing my wife is in harm’s way, knowing that the possibility of death looms . . . .

To never see her smile again or hear her voice or feel her presence even when she’s not there . . . .

That is a fear I clearly can’t keep bottled up because I’m releasing it here on the internet for all to see . . . .

She’s home now . . . for the second time. After two hospital stays the doctors are pretty sure she’s going to get better. So I’m happy about that. We all are. The fear isn’t controlling me or causing me to change the way I live my life . . . . That said, it’s there . . . and–to some degree–it always will be.

Thank God it’s MLK Day and that is something worth celebrating. Lord knows I need it right now.